When the electricity fades and only lightning remains
and we've drunk the last drop of dead dinosaur blood
and we're forced to run outside into the streets, you and
I will yell out aliases and call signs like fighter
pilots falling. Because we don't know each other's real names.
- IWTFY
You defend yourself of my accusations and I openly let you do so.I could even live this way forever.Accustomed to your pernicky self and the fluctuating me,I understood what you meant in the silences between the words you spoke.I still do.I just cant seem to save my self. Not because of the sudden lapse of judgement in me or because I have sealed away the hyper eighteen year old girl that I used to be ,but because I'm afraid I'd mirror my surrounding to the you I was always afraid of.
You surprise me with the pity you wear as your underclothes to friendship,and it disgusts me each I look at you.But I cannot hate you. Now I understand what they meant when they said that you can only fall out of love with someone,not stop loving them.Our-star crossed signs now smirk as they look down at us,the celestial lights connecting our hearts a shade dimmer each time.And it has devastated me in terms of Identity with you.
I have watched each one of you disappear from the frame that once captured our happy,unaware faces.Our star fighter pilots have given up along time.Now we are afraid of drowning,our boats afull.Why didn't we realize this was a one-man submarine throughout? Over filled with faults and unspoken words our stagnant faces fade away into distant spaces that still carry labels to identify you and me. There were times we promised to do something about it.We know how.But instead we step aside allowing life to put up her dread show before us. One at a time it shuts us out, with you so intimated.But I hate you.For your pride and mine too.For your nonchalance and my ostrich-act. This show isn't amusing any longer.And I see you realize that.
You wish to drift apart;too tired of me running away over again,too tired of explaining,too tired of convincing.Dammit you have a life too!
And mean while I shall put up a show of my scars that now seem like stars to me,each one marking their over-rated autographs on my skin and I glow beneath them.But look,the nights got plenty more.
Its only shame that makes us real,and somehow defines who we really are.This you will understand someday as well. You have always been a slow learner and I lovingly patient with you.
Last night you cut off my oxygen supply asking me to breathe.And I obeyed with your voice pounding like bullets in my head.And I prayed to you.Its just cause I have no one else to turn to,asking you to save me before this part of me that you knew so well should fade away.And if it reaches you,I shall say amen to that.Because I don't own a sand glass any longer but I realise I'm short of time and tears.
Sometimes I wish to write about you and me.About us and the times that used to be,but i fail repeatedly. Framing sentences in extravagant vocabulary and throwing phrases just to prove my maturity to it.Sometimes I wish to talk about it.To show you my over flown self and the crevices that wont fill but I'm exhausted and I wont let you see those tears again.
Sometimes talking your heart out and weaving thoughts to Latin-born words only makes them even so treacly.Thus I don't speak them.Least to you.And I shall never say that I miss you.
