Thursday, April 16, 2009

The predator.

I remember.
The deserted manor in a heartless winter morning, smelling of burnt cigarettes,flittered vanilla-candles,spent souls and your aftershave. Of french windows and prying eyes and of squished rose petals spread upon worn carpets; where you had confessed your love to a 17yr old naive me, and I had succumbed to all your insecurities,thinking it as my soul duty to give back to you all that you had lost, unaware of your dark recesses, you protected so well.Thankful of being desired and loved.
I remember.Black mirror pieces raping crimson stained bedsheets,entwined in misleading ecstasy that spoke of long nights that'd prolong past morning light.Cathedral bells.Horace Silver.Heroine.Glenfiddich.Two naked bodies lost in a desperate embrace.Fake smiles and unfaithful eyes.Drift.Draw.Sway.Sting.

Its so much easier to live with a burnt face than live with a burnt soul.

I sit muted by the things Ive done and believed in..i think of faults,betrayal,cheat and my demeaned self..and all of it taking me back to you..
Too many times I've cried myself out on the same sheets, cursed a new star every night, and allowed your memories to fill in the voids in my life. Ive longed for your beguile touch,your flattery,your quivering want for me once more.. and I, hating myself in the process.

"-you complete me like no other"

Only had you warned me.warned me of turning an outsider to my own self.Of losing my self in spirals of smoke I pilgrimaged with you by my side.
Today I wish to rebuild my fortress. To walk back roads and rewind decisions.To fight the monsters that brainwashed a sober me and I wish to let you know that I still believe in love and and its countless possibilities. I still believe in foreverness and my perfect opposite.In golden-winged fairies,in happiness and unadulterated devotion.

There are somethings you could never take.

Can one really escape ones past or does one only camouflage it with wiser words and an unreal self-designed image?

6 doors banged:

Anonymous said...

now stop hating yrself .. he might not be thinking the way yu r assuming .. in yr faults nd betrayal,he founded some bleak hope.. hoped for that beautiful thing in this universe..hoped for that addiction .. nd hoped that he was not wrong ...
cheat .. he cant even imagine relating this word to yu.ever.
you are without wax;) :))


epona said...

this is totally your style on a very different issue. I've alwayswondered if you'd ever touch on this , interesting....i'd love to read more of it's kind , if u ever get in the mood of writing more.

Rhiamon said...

I really like this one. You need to write different stuff often..
You should have described him meeting a well deserved end too.. remember my " killed the feeling"?

Though I think no one should ever be blinded..ever.

The Dream Goddess said...

@epona- ya sure!thanks

@rhiamon-i know what you mean but the write up is supposed to be describing the girls thoughts.and about blind love,well sadly sometimes there's nothing you can do about it.

Bandan said...

From my memoirs , I have learnt that past always lingers along with you , no matter how much you try to evade it.Its really sweet to think of those memories where everything seems a fairy tale , but its always poignantly touching to have a reality check on the impact of your past on your present.
From your post , and my experiences , I think love has to be felt once , its a oneness with self , Like a soul explaining its own lifestory.

Keep writing.Love it!

Sethuraman Arvind Iyer said...

Very well articulated.