My Synthetic being

And I'm not gonna take it back

And I'm not gonna say I don't mean that

You're the target that I'm aiming at

Got to get that message home

-coldplay.

Flip.turn.flip.cry.

How fair is it  to let down some one,break their trust and clothe it with excuses?How fair is it to leave a former love unanswered and runaway?How fair is it to leave you unaware,chasing answers I know you can never find without me?How fair is it to be me?Cant even pretend,you try so hard to see.

My shadow and I have gotten nowhere next to agreeing with one another-

we have only compromised.

Flip.

I shut my eyes to the shrieking stars.Last night they screamed your name aloud.I shrugged out of fake oblivion and I saw them break into a gleaming green and silver.Listen and feel.Those Bubble talks and liquid dreams.

And we walk so apart these days-Ive renamed it as 'forsaken bliss' and you know how untrue this is.So much and all I ask is,to let me crawl out of your skin,away to a world so me,to give away everything and give birth to me,now that I realise Ive lost more than just myself to you.And I've logged into my mailbox a zillion times.I wait for you,I do not understand.

Switch off.Switch on.fade.

"why the hell were you switched off?Are you not telling me something?I really think so.."

"hello?.."

Switch off.

"uhh.."

Switch on.tears.more tears.

"have you by any chance been crying?"

Switch off.switch on.

I never thought I'd need those diary pages,just to remind my love for you.Flip,turn,flip.

Sitting on your lap.Your arms around my waist,listening to my musings,you smile silently.You kiss my earlobe.We are too close.I breathe your breath in.Your sweat smelling of my perfume and I know thats how you like it.

Flip.turn.tears.

"the no. you are trying is currently switched off"

I count the seconds,Ive thought of you.I want each one back ..can you count?cause I failed to.The familiarity within me,from you,back into me, so fucking undeniable.I can trace you down from what you had been to what you will be.You sailed my mind though a sea of credulity,and we lived lives in a single season..now your boats too overfilled with my faults..and your incompetence.I wish you had simply said it.

I curse the boat.I curse my omens and your lemons.

I curse you.

And I curse myself.

Switch on.Switch off.cry.

You move your fingers through my hair.i turn towards you.You bring me closer and I catch myself in you.I see my goodness and I see my lies.I smile.You kiss my elbow,you kiss my wrist,you kiss my fingers and their tips..

Switch on.tears.

You hold those pages in your hands.you look from them to me,back into them.you-surprised,happy,sad-all at once.You take a complete fifteen minutes staring into them,remembering time,remembering us..remembering 'the one'..

You were Dippsy.

Flip.turn.

You do not speak.You can't  how ever much you try.You look at me.I look away,afraid you might just see through me and all that I protect.And I realise how it all had been planned from the start.You fucking were my scrip.My story.My gift.My lesson.My prayer.A pawn I played,beautifully inking down every move of yours and now Im exausted.

Simple three words.Seventeen letters.And I was done.

Formulate.punctuate.delete.

WHO AM I DECEIVING.

IT NEVER WAS YOU.